Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
