So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
