A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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