I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Randomize
