I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
