I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
someone owes me an orgasm
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
