spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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