I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
