I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
