I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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