Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I was not drunk enough for that final.
ok first of all what the fuck
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
