I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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