why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
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