Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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