ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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