You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
