I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
