There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
