Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Randomize
