Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize