3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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