You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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