just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
