When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
