You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
