I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
