Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
