He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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