I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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