i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
