He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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