They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
