dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
