is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
