getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
