Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
