3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You ruined the universe
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
