he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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