So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
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