I CAN MOONWALK!
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize