Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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