Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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