So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I want to be your penis for a week.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
