We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
whose ass print is on the piano?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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