He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
