After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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