I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
