Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize