that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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