the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
