I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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