never play flip cup with pint glasses
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
