Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
