i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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