i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
