dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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