His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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