Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
