Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
