I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
