Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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