On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
my shit smells like andre
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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