What tipped you off? The sombrero?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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