So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
