Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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