get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
