It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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