I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I need water and some morals
Randomize
