I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
