Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
