Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
