So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I can't turn off my feet"
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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