I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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