She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
jump out the window naked night went bad
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